Marygoldina's semiAmazing misAdventures
by Rhikat
Summary: A typical Mary Sue is being sent to Middle Earth when Iluvatar interferes and sends her to *Lower* Middle Earth instead. Based on Bored of the Rings. *updated*
1. Prologue: My Parents Hate Me!

Mary(goldina) Sue(sannate)'s (semi)Amazing (mis)Adventures in (Lower) Middle Earth

**Disclaimer: **_Bored of the Rings _isn't mine. _Lord of the Ring_s isn't mine. Marygoldina Suesannate is mine and I fail to see why anyone else would want her.  This is the only time you'll see a disclaimer for the rest of the fic, unless I decide to add something new that isn't mine to later chapters. This disclaimer goes for the entire story. None of the things that aren't mine are going to magically become mine so I feel no need to repeat my self every chapter. Terry Pratchett heavily influenced the stuff at the end about belief.

**Prologue: My Parents Hate Me! **

"Why won't you let me wear this?" Mary Sue whined at her parents. Her older sister, Amanda snorted in disbelief and answered before their parents had a chance to. 

          "Because that outfit makes you look like a cheap hooker." She said bluntly. Mr. Smith-Johnson glared at his oldest child and ordered her out of the room. With much rolling of her eyes, Amanda complied. Mary Sue got away with so much more stuff than she ever had when she was fifteen. Mary Sue gave her sister a baleful look as Amanda left the room. It was so weird. She and Amanda didn't even look alike. Really, Amanda was one the most _average_ looking people Mary Sue had ever seen. 'Unlike myself.' Mary Sue thought smugly. In her own humble opinion she was one of the most beautiful people ever born. She had long glossy— 

          "Mary Sue!" her mother's stern voice brought her attention back to the problem at hand. Mary Sue frowned and stamped her foot in annoyance.

          "I told you to call me Marygoldina Suesannate!" She proclaimed petulantly. Her mother gave her a Look.

          "We named you Mary Sue and that is what we will call you." Her tone of voice told Mary Sue that the subject was most definitely closed. 

          "Mary, you cannot go out in that outfit." Her father spoke.

          "Why not!?" She screeched. "I like this outfit! Just because you two dinosaurs don't know fashion is no—" Mary Sue was once again interrupted by her parents.

          "What did you just call us?" her mother was incredulous. 

          "Dinosaurs." Mary Sue said defiantly. "And it's true." Mrs. Smith-Johnson was getting a headache. As far as insults went, it wasn't that bad of one, however, after almost half an hour of having to put up with Mary Sue's attitude problem it was too much. She snapped.

          "Mary Sue! You are grounded until further notice. There will be going out to see your friends tonight or any other night in the near future! Go to your room now." Mary Sue looked like a fish out of water.

          "But, but," she stuttered in shock.

          "Now Mary Sue." Her father was backing her mother up on this one. 

          "Fine! But you'll be sorry!" Fighting back tears of rage, Mary Sue stormed out of the living room and stomped up the stairs up to her room. Once she entered the room she slammed the door hard enough to knock some of the framed pictures of her walls. Mary Sue pulled her diary out if its hiding place in between her mattress and her box spring and began to scribble furiously.

Dear Diary,

U wouldn't believe my parents! They R so cruel! I just wanted to wear my fave outfit when I went to go see lort tonight with my buds! Here's what the outfit would have looked like if I had been aloud allowed to wear it. First off it was my dark purple top, u know the one with the long transperant sleeves and that shows off my stomache? Under that I was going to wear my short black pleather skirt, the one that stops a few inches above the knee? The one that the principle sent me home to change out of last year at school? And with that I was going too wear my black stockings and my knee high boots. The black lace up ones.

So anyways, my parents wouldn't let me outside with that outfit on and so I got mad at them, because they were being so toattly unfair and they just grounded me!!! For, like, no reason at all? Ugh. They just suck! And Amanda? She is such a bitch. Really she is. She said that my outfit made me look like a cheap hooker! Can you beleive it? I think she's just jealous because I'm so much better looking than her.

OMG. I just had the **best** idea! I'm going to run away from home! Just for, like, a few days. Just long enough to show them that I don't need them or anything! I am such a geanius!

XOXO,

          _Marygoldina Suesannate_

          Mary Sue hastily threw some essentials into her backpack. She was going to need her make up and a change of clothes and she couldn't forget her diary. Her parents were still downstairs so she couldn't get to the kitchen and grab food. Oh well, no big deal, she had money. She could just buy food. Mary Sue thought back to camping trips taken when she was younger, before she figured out how stupid and dorky they were. What else would she need? Oh a blanket! She should probably take one of those. She stuffed the blanket she had gotten in Mexico into her bag. She threw a few more things in and then forced the backpack closed. She shouldered her pack and winced when she realized how heavy it was. She didn't have time to repack it. Who knew when her parents would come upstairs and check on her? She hastily wrote a note to her parents and slipped out her window into the old tree next to it. 

***

Back downstairs her parents exchanged tired looks. Exhausted, Mrs. Smith-Johnson sat down on the couch. 

          "All I wanted her to do was put a coat on." She sighed. "It's cold out tonight." Her husband sat don next to her and held her in his arms.

          "I know, dear, I know."

***

          Amanda was busily typing a report on her computer when she heard a loud "Crack!" followed closely by a "Thud." And what was most likely a muttered swear word. She looked out her window and saw the form of her sister hastily and not very gracefully running away form the house with what looked like her backpack.

          "What is she doing?" Amanda asked herself as she went to fetch her parents.

***

          Mary Sue was getting cold. She probably should have worn some warmer clothes. She wrapped her arms around her bare midriff and shivered. She could practically see her breath in the air in front of her when she exhaled. Her teeth were chattering as she walked down the familiar street, which was looking much scarier and way less familiar in the dark. Mary Sue was about ready to just give up on the whole running away thing when she spotted a place that she knew. It was Mrs. Sithy's house! She knew Mrs. Sithy! Not very well, but still, she was a kindly old grandmother type. Mary Sue headed hopefully to the house. She hurried up the stairs to the rickety porch and knocked on the door. The door opened to reveal Mrs. Sithy's surprised face.

          "Well," the old woman said. "I certainly wasn't expecting any visitors at this time of night." Mary Sue suddenly felt slightly ashamed of herself. What if she had woken the old woman up or something?  

          "I'm sorry, Mrs. Sithy. I didn't mean to wake you up or anything." Mrs. Sithy smiled kindly and brushed of the apology.

          "Don't worry about it dear girl. Now why don't you come inside and get warmed up. I just baked some cookies and I can make some hot chocolate." Mary Sue's relief was plain on her face as she followed Mrs. Sithy inside. Inside the nice warm house, Mary Sue forgot all of the stories and rumors about Mrs. Sithy being a scary old witch. She was just so happy to be warm.

***

          Meanwhile, Mary Sue's family had found her note about running away. Mrs. Smith-Johnson turned to Amanda.

          "So you saw her leaving?" She asked. Amanda nodded.

          "Yep. She fell out of the tree in between our windows and took off running. She had her backpack with her." Mr. Smith-Johnson ran his hand through his hair.

          "Alright, I'll go out and look for Mary Sue. Louise, you can start calling her friends and see if ant of them have heard from her." He looked askance at his wife to see if she was okay with his plan. She nodded her consent.

          "I'll call the police and tell them what happened." She added.

          "What about me?" Amanda asked. "What do I do?"

          "You stay inside, finish your homework and go to bed." Her mother said firmly. "If you really want to help then try to think of places where she would have gone."

***

          The cookies and hot chocolate were almost gone by the time Mary Sue had finished telling Mrs. Sithy her story. The old woman had listened to the whole thing with a sympathetic ear. 

          "Hmmm…wait here." She told Mary Sue, leaving the room. She came back a few minutes later with an ornately wrote metal box. She gave the box to Mary Sue.

          "Here, Marygoldina. You may have what is inside." Mary Sue opened the box to reveal a beautiful, gem encrusted necklace. The awe she felt over the necklace caused to forget hat she had never told the old woman what her preferred name was.

          "It's beautiful." She said softly, taking it carefully out of the box.

          "Put it on." The old woman urged her. Mary Sue met the woman's eyes in surprise.

          "What?" 

          "Yes. I told you that it was yours. Put it on." The old woman's voice was strangely compelling. Acting slowly, almost as if she were in a trance, Mary Sue lifted the necklace and clasped it around her neck. As soon as she had done this the room began to spin and fade. Mary Sue managed to get out one panicked

          "What's going on?" before the room disappeared. Mrs. Sithy smiled smugly, looking at the space where the girl had been sitting. She began clearing away the dirty dishes and soon it looked as though she had been the only one in the house all night. She was just settling down with a cup of tea and a copy of _Lord of the Rings _when the sound of knocking reached her ears. She set down the book and walked over to the door. Peeking out her peephole, she saw the worried face of Mary Sue's father. She opened the door.

          "Why, Mr. Smith-Johnson, whatever is the matter?" 

***

          Dejected, Matthew Smith-Johnson walked home. No one had seen Mary Sue. His neighbors had no idea where she was or where she could be. Mr. Smith-Johnson was not a very religious man. He had been raised Catholic, but as he had grown older his interest in religion had waned. Nonetheless, he prayed whole-heartedly that his daughter, his precious baby girl, was safe. 

***

          A universe away Iluvatar frowned. She would not succeed again. Time and time again She sent young girls into His world and every time She had the girl made over into what the girl felt would be the perfect person. This time She would not succeed. He would keep this new girl out of his world. Iluvatar concentrated. She was powerful, after all she was the first and countless teenaged human girls wrote stories about her, believed in her. And belief is power. The more something is believed in the stronger it gets. And the incarnation of the very first Mary Sue was very powerful indeed. Iluvatar's frown became deeper as he realized that She had grown stronger than He had thought. He would not be able to send Her newest tool back to the place she came from. Iluvatar smiled broadly. He could not send the girl back to where she came from and He could not allow her to enter his world, but he could send her to a place that was as much like His world as a person is like their reflection in an old and warped mirror. It might even prove to be entertaining.

**Author's Note: **Okay, that got _way_ more serious than it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be a humorous fic poking some fun at the Middle Earth Mary Sues and it got warped into this. I'm not quite sure what happened. I'll have more of this up just as soon as my friend returns my copy of _Bored of the Rings. _Oh, and could I please, please, please have some constructive criticism? Especially on the last paragraph, because it seemed kind of clunky and confusing.


	2. Chapt 1: Don't Take Candy from Strangers...

**Chapter One: Don't Take Candy From Strangers**

Day One In Middle Earth!!!!!

Dear Diary,

I'm in MIDDLE EARTH!!!J Can U bileive it?! I'm not sure where in Middle Earth I am and I haven't met the Fellowship yet but I'm sure that I will. After all all those other girls who wrote about being transported here did? I cant wait to meet Logoless. He's such a hottie! My friends are so toattely going to be jealous. Even cooler is that my apperance has changed! My hair is longer and blonder and glossy and thick and shiny. I'm taller to. And I sort of glow. Isn't that awesome?! I love it here!

                        XOXO,

                                    **_Marygoldina Suesannate_**

                   Day Something Or Other In Middle Earth

                        Dear Diary,

Somesort of evil thing influenced my so that I got slightly confused abuot wear I was a few days ago. Atleast I think it was a few days ago. Im not to sure. Oh well. I met some really wierd people a few days ago. I think that they were, like, hippies or sumthing,witch is so toattlly five minutes ago. I'm mean that's so out of fashion its not even retro anymore. They were nice though. Gave me some "magic beans" to eat, not to badd. I had some freakin' wieerd dreams after I ate them though…Can't really remember the people's names. I think it was something like Tom or Tim Bunzidrine or Benzidrone or something like that and his girlfind. Can't remember her name, oh well, she's not me so she's not that important. I dont feel very well… 

Mary S.

Mary Sue was violently sick soon after she finished writing her latest diary entry. Once she was finished, she managed to drag herself over to a stream and get slightly cleaned up. She was able to get a small amount of water up to her face and into her mouth before it ran out of her hand. Why the hell hadn't she thought to bring a cup or something with her? She swirled the water around in her mouth and then spit out, trying to rid herself of the taste of bile. Utterly miserable, Mary Sue pulled her blanket out of her backpack and wrapped up in it. Her last thought before falling asleep was, _I want my Mom._

"What art this?" the badly mangled old English was almost the first sound that Mary Sue heard after awaking from her drug induced sleep. Unfortunately, the very first thing she heard was the sound of people tripping over her prone body.

"Get **off **me!" She shrieked, kicking at whatever the hell had just landed on her. Two short, disgusting, little _things _scrambled to their massively nasty little feet, attempting to cop a feel in the process. Mary Sue drew herself up to her full height, in a pose that she thought made her look in control and commanding. In truth, she looked like she had just bitten into a lemon. She stared at the group. It seemed to consist of four revolting little creatures and one tall man. 

"What the hell are you?!" Tact was not one of Mary Sue's strong points. The tall man answered.

"I am Arrowroot of Arrowshirt, also known as 'Stomper' and I have many n—" 

"Yeah, whatever." Mary Sue interrupted. He wasn't even marginally good looking and so she didn't care. "I wasn't even talking you. What the hell are _those_ things?" She pointed at the four small creatures. They were really gross looking. All short and kind of stubby and their _feet, _She wasn't even going to think about their feet. Or at least she thought they were feet, if just because they were at the end of the things' legs. One of the things spoke. He wore an old, slightly tattered bowling shirt and had a pink corkscrew tail.

"We are boggies from the Sty. I am Frito." 

***

"We are boggies from the Sty. I am Frito." Amanda stared in amazement at the last line that she had just read. She had stumbled across a story entitled _Marygoldina Suesannate's Amazing Adventures in Middle Earth _a few minutes ago. Amanda had been surfing the 'net, trying to take her mind off the fact that her little sister was missing, when she found it. Although the story had "Bad Mary Sue" practically written in the summary, Amanda had clicked the link. _Weird, _she had thought at the time, _isn't that what my sister wanted us to call her?_ Her sense of strangeness increased as she read the story. Amanda frowned. Was it possible that her sister had actually gotten sent to Middle Earth? She reread the last lines of the story. Okay, Mary Sue was not in Middle Earth. No one in Middle Earth acted like the things that her sister had just met. The term 'boggies' sounded vaguely familiar though. Hadn't her one of her friends used it recently? Which one? Amanda sat and thought for a few minutes. Then she got up and paced and thought for a few minutes. Then she flopped down on her bed and thought for a few minutes before falling asleep for a few hours.

***

            "Frito?" Mary Sue repeated. "What the hell kind of name is 'Frito'? What the hell is a boogie? Do you mean booger?"

          "No. I mean _boggie._" Frito spoke slowly, the same way a person would if they were talking to someone that they suspected was very stupid and possibly crazy. Mary Sue glared at Frito.

          "Stop talking to me as if I'm stupid and possibly crazy." She snapped. She turned her attention to the two things that had fallen on her. "And what the hell do you think you're staring at?" The two tripped over themselves to prostrate themselves before her, apologizing profusely. They had been staring. They had never seen anyone who looked like Mary Sue before. With her long black hair shining with grease and her whole body glowing as if she bathed everyday in a cool mountain stream that had had radio-active waste dumped in it on a regular basis, the boggie twins, Moxie and Pepsi, thought that she was beautiful. Of course neither of them had so much as seen a female ever since the group had left the city of Whee almost a month ago and it had been even longer since either of them had gotten any, so that could have affected their opinions somewhat. 

          "Eewww. Like, get away from me!" Mary Sue aimed a kick at the two boggies who had been trying to lick her feet. She moved away from the group and started stuffing her blanket back into her bag. Once that was done, she stood and, with parting shot of

          "I'm so totally out of here.", stalked off.  The four boggies and one man stared after her. The man quickly called the boggies to action.

          "Come! We shall follow her and a certain that she comes to no harm!" He proclaimed heroically. Spam, the only boggie not yet mentioned rolled his eyes.

          "You just want to follow her because you got us lost and think that she knows the way out." He muttered.

***

            Amanda had a plan when she awoke. First she was going to e-mail her friends and see if any of them had heard of 'boggies' or 'The Sty.' After that she was going to pay Mrs. Sithy a visit. Amanda had a plan when she awoke. It wasn't an especially _smart_ plan, but it was a plan.

**AN:** Anyone who wants some more information about _Bored of the Rings _should go to this site: http://amethyst-angel.com/bored_of_the_rings.html. It has fan art, book excerpts, (Which have quite helpful considering that I lent a friend my copy of _Bored_ and did not get it back until after I had started this chapter.) and a message board. If you decide that you want to buy your own copy of _Bored_, I got mine at Borders. Constructive Criticism is welcome.

**Author's Desperate Plea for Help: **Starting in this chapter the Bored of the Rings characters are going to start having a larger role. Since I am well aware that writing other people's characters is not one of my strong points, I want to know if there is anyone out there who is both familiar with Bored of the Rings, is good at fixing OOCness, and would be willing to beta read this and help me with the characterization. In return, I will worship you forever and would be willing to return the favor and proof read your writings. I would prefer it if you have written something before.  

**Author's Note's to Reviewers: **

**       Muccamukk: **Hmm…what will Mary Sue's fate be? I have an idea about what it's going to be, but nothing's written in stone. Heck it's not even written on paper yet.

          **Evil Old Woman: **I get most of the 60s references, after all, I did take American History in high school. Heck, I even passed the class. ^.^ The stuff that I don't get my Mom explains to me.

          **Melyn: **Thanks for finally giving me back my book. ^.^


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